give me truth.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. - Henry David Thoreau

I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently. An awful lot. And I've been going deep in to myself and finding the points in my being that still get affected by the behaviours of others. Given that I spent a good year or so in a wonderment of being in India and Nepal working on inner peace (these are great places for practice because anything can happen and one learns to patiently wait for the train to arrive at the station 5 hours after it was due in a state of surrender), I had hoped I'd be more masterful at it

What I recognised about relating to others, most importantly, is how much of a good relationship boils down to trust. Now granted, people change and things do happen in life so commitments might be made which can't be adhered to. But where my integrity (or 'my code') has been poked at over and over is when I've felt cheated of truth.

The first time this happened to me traveling was in India and I was so upset. "It's his karma" the man at the crystal store said to me after he revealed to me the fact that the stone around my neck I'd bought earlier that day was actually a fake. I was determined to march back up to the mountain where I bought it from and tell that boy what for! But crystal man told me to let it go and I eventually did.

As a traveler, I trust the world. I believe in humanity and human beings can be just absolutely awesome. The other day I was on a bus from Salzburg to the airport without a ticket. I was whacked after waking up in the small hours of darkness and didn't find the time nor energy to buy a ticket believing I could get one on the bus. Evidently not but I sat down nevertheless. When the ticket inspector came, I felt like an awkward foreigner with the bus carriage watching me wriggle out of the situation - honestly might I add - with my hands up in "I'm sorry, I didn't get one". Before I had chance to blush, I was totally bowled over by this kindly gentleman next to me who placed a bus ticket in my hand and proceeded to merely smile and shake his head when I handed him a 5 euro note.

Now recently, forgive my self-indulgence, but I've felt really let down by a couple of situations. Being a natural optimist and I absolutely look back and think "thank God for that" accepting that I attracted them in to my world to learn something "lesson or a blessing" as the yogis say. Nevertheless I've dug deep in to my psyche to work out what has been the pain point in this.

It boiled down to one thing: dishonesty. I feel fortunate that I am aware enough to feel when I am being manipulated or seduced and to also have a good degree of understanding and compassion. I'm sure, no doubt, that I am guilty of it too - getting too attached to an outcome and trying to make it happen rather than to allowing it to flow.

But disappointment is one hell of a teacher. And perhaps this is a root of not just my own disappointment but also that of many others living in this world. Unless you live in an ashram or a community - we are all part of this capitalist society whether we like it or not. And consciously or unconsciously - we get told things that aren't necessarily objective truth. I remember seeing a sign saying "Time is money" in New York last year and smelt that smell again.

I, being the meditator I am, try to practice creating space around these stalks to gently dig around them, like a gardener does a tree root in order to get it out. And this operation can hurt a lot because it requires me to sit with the feeling and try not direct negativity at the person who's brought it about (and I struggle with it because I'm the one I am really annoyed with so Jess gets a hard time). This sensation if it had a voice would say something like "how dare you!" in self-righteous indignation which only serves to create more separation between me and the button pusher. The same kind of separation that creates war between beliefs / religions :(

But this is what it comes down to. Trust. Whether you admire / believe in another person's integrity i.e. it aligns with your own, or whether you resonate with truth and thus have an innate ability to sniff out bull-shit like you've already stepped in it, this is what can powerfully unite us. Truth.

I wish I could say I've been perfect but I've made mistakes, been in denial, afraid to speak my truth (or been too truthful and created a wee bit of trouble), I've responded harshly and in the early years been foolishly misguided by others.

It's such a simple little word and yet so important; Truth. What I do know is that there is one person I can wholeheartedly trust and that is myself. In my experience, the most empowering lesson is to be true and working towards feeling absolutely comfortably with it.

With fearlessly speaking it, thinking it, walking it and living it.

And in the modern world we live in today - where we are often surrounded by hooks and fears - this can take some practice and humility to step out of.

But as a wise Baba I hung out with in India said to me: "Don't get stuck" and "Keep going" - head wiggle, head wiggle. There's something incredibly enlightening about that approach.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

dont hate the player. hate the game.

via Zoe Scaman

I don't really believe in choosing hate. Its such a strong word. Nevertheless there are situations that can really trigger the anger within a person.

Have you ever felt that feeling of intense, frustrating anger at someone or something because, for example:

a.) You're not getting your own way, or

b.) Someone is saying all the right things to push your buttons so you're impermanent personality is being severely offended, or

c.) I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I HATE THE WORLD RIGHT NOOOOW!!!

Hate tickles all the wrong places and often by all the wrong people. The people you want to love sometimes, behaving like naughty children, like little angels equipped with heartbreak bows and arrows nakedly and innocently stabbing you in all the painful spots while fluttering along unawares. Naughty angels they are and that lovely English idiom "Don't shoot the messenger" really sings true sometimes.

Life does not come with a remote. It cannot always be controlled. Our reactions however can be as can who we choose to engage with.

When hate comes knocking at the door, I've tried taking a big step back from the situation. I might slip in to my wee anarchistic-revolutionary-onesy and realise that rubbish behaviour is rather consequential to a crazily out of balance world, bad upbringing or unconsciousness. This world that has taught us to think in foolish ways. To compare. To be greedy. To want more. To compete. Sure sometimes its important to say "dude, that's not cool, turn round 3 times and take what you said back" while also knowing when to walk away compassionately because someone who's on Team Hate must be really suffering. And hate sometimes arises because it's showing you a side to yourself that is truly vulnerable. That needs working on. That is less emotionally developed.

“That I feed the hungry, forgive an insult, and love my enemy…. these are great virtues. But what if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and the most impudent of offenders are all within me, and that I stand in need of the alms of my own kindness; that I myself am the enemy who must be loved? What then?” ~Carl Jung

I think there's power in doing something about the madness in this world we live in and channeling those annoyed feelings about it towards that. We are co-creators. We all have to accept responsibility for what society has created and can at least try, a little, to do something to change it in my opinion as much as we can to self-improve and take responsibility for our life and our darker emotions.

more of this please world

I don't know about you, but my world is making some crazy shapes at the moment. There are big changes going on; economically, romantically, ecologically, politically etc. Apparently the Universe is expanding faster and faster, phew, I'm feeling it. Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller-coaster dancing between a multitude of worlds; nevertheless there's one powerful uniting force; LOVE.

I'm such an ambassador for this stuff that I embarrass myself openly in public. I'm certainly not perfect but I love inspiring people to consider being more active citizens in this crazy world.

Pops does like to remind me how "we have to live in the 'real world' of the daily grind", but what if we could give a little more thought and action to caring for others' needs? I know its tough for all of us, but, loving thy neighbour through random acts of kindness is a beautiful way of uniting and supporting one another through challenging times. I feel its time to move on from this endemic of apathy, consequent to an industrious materialistic world we're living in, and take those little opportunities to care for another.

Simple kindly gestures can create a butterfly affect in to an increasingly united, conscious and better world. And if this video doesn't fill your heart with hope, check yourself. This is real superhero behaviour.

Of the wall idea: Please can the Road & Traffic Authorites put a warning sign on their Traffic Alert motorway banners reminding drivers to; "BREATHE".  Too much road rage is bad for the heart. Fact.