I love you, I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you.

'Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.' - Martin Luther King Jr.

Katey Brooks - B****, Don't Kill My Vibe - Acoustic Remake 

"Ho'oponopono" is a beautiful Hawaiian ritual whereby one makes an affirmation "I love you, I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you" to all the relationships from ones life that need atonement. I know while my adventures in the outside world are probably more interesting, I really want to illuminate how cathartic and beautiful this little ritual is.

To make mistakes is to be human and sometimes the people who hurt us the most are those who know us the most intimately. I wish I could say I am the perfect human being that does no harm, but I've screwed up, said the wrong thing or pressed someone's buttons enough times.

I sat my third Vipassana the other day in Bogota, Colombia. The first time about 5 years ago was incredibly painful, I sat with multiple cushions supporting my twice fractured coccyx, a wooden floor-stool to support my curved spine while I struggled through my mind's OCD behaviours around herbal tea and light switches, as I committed to 10 days of daily 11 hours sits of mediation and went on the proverbial cosmic journey. That time I came out and stopped eating meat without a rationale besides "I didn't feel like eating it anymore" and I recall visiting a shop with my boyfriend trying to find a shampoo and having no idea how to choose. I became that equanimous! The second Vipassana I sat was 18 months ago. Shortly afterwards my father called Interpol...another story...

from Burning Man via The Atlantic

Now this last silent 10 day sit was different. For one thing I only had one cushion to support my body and my mind was incredibly well-behaved and present. A fire burned through my spine however in the agony of sitting in stillness for 11 hours a day and to be witness to it without judgement, nurturing the act of equanimity, was incredibly challenging for me. Nevertheless I had epiphanies, time travelling realisations and outbreaks of spontaneous emotions while every now and then transcended the pain that felt like a knife had been lodged in my back.

It's taken the last couple of weeks to integrate the experience spending time as a recluse out of the travel community while hanging out with a friend on the outskirts of Bogota. During the full moon my friend and I both set our intentions and did a little fun Ho'oponopono ceremony together which involved cheerful smiles and cheesey music. The results for us both afterwards were incredible though, so much so, that I felt compelled to share.

I find people come in to our world to be vehicles for something deeper within us, whether they shine a light on a vulnerable area of the subconscious or simply teach us that the journey to love is found through forgiveness for another... as much as for oneself. Easier said than done sometimes and I am not one to preach, although in my experience, if there was more forgiveness and acceptance in this world, it'd probably be a much more peaceful and happier place.

surviving a 'grown up' gap year(s)

I love it when I explain to people that I am travelling around the world and they respond "Oh have you just finished Uni?" Urm... nope. I'm 28 now complete with wrinkles. I was however the 'over-achiever' who believed all the lies and chased her way from Law degree to London Stock Exchange to Sydney advertising world and worked insanely hard with lots of determination to succeed. Ambitious little number I was but one that lost sight of her dreams.

That said I needed to work; I had a ridiculous amount of student debt to tackle and a ruthless determination not to depend on my parents for financial support after University. So my gap year was belated and aptly timed with my quarter-life crisis that involved breaking up with an amazing boyfriend and best-friend, leaving my wonderful mates, the beach view apartment and quitting my career in time to miss the award ceremonies whilst obsessively taking up Bikram yoga and herbal tea wondering what the hell I truly wanted in this life (thanks to friends for showing up at this time). I remember sitting down with my boss and mentor Andrew Wynne, after being at the company for a mere 9 months, explaining 'I have to go' as being one of the scariest things I'd ever done in my career. Incredibly and much to my surprise he said 'we'll have you back when you're done Jess'.

My 'gap year' has been more of a giant poop-my-pants leap year. And actually not really a gap year at all as it nears plural status. However, I can say that at 26 years old, my decision to leave pretty much everything to go on a journey of self-discovery and adventure until I 'run out of money' has been the best possible gift to myself. Incredibly frightful nevertheless especially as I initially allowed my inner child to take the reins. A bad-ass tomboy who likes extreme sports, rolling in nature, doing crazy things like getting lost up mountains, hanging out with rebels and inevitably one that had to relive a sense of self-abandonment. Strength in adversity proved true.

Being the change I wanted to see in the mountains

Nevertheless, self-psychosis aside, one thing I have realised is the limited ideas we can have when it comes to money. This question comes up a lot with people; "how do you afford it?". Well simply put: I give but not with money in mind. More for fun actually. It feels good to give doesn't it? And giving is more than money, its life's most valuable asset; time and effort.

By living in the giving and being detached from what comes back; This is how I feel I've walked into abundance. Of course money is practical, and a means of survival in this material world, but it is not the only thing we can offer in exchange for a positive experience in life. In fact, just being awesomely true to oneself and others has its benefits; people actually enjoy your company for one thing! And working from the heart on projects gives a natural high (look how much I am buzzing in this pic!) and genuinely giving a damn about the world in a hands-on way can reward in ways that transcend the illusion of 'give to get'.

I remember locals asking me whether I got paid to collect garbage (read my little PR rant here) and were somewhat confused when I said no, I do it for love (and garbage on the path kinda pisses off this British earth mother). And for me, obviously, it really isn't about making money - that's what I did to afford the journey in the first place and I'm committed to keep traveling until it runs out so I may as well make myself useful. Miraculously, it seems to stretch the less I worry about it and the more humbly I live. Importantly I've also learned to accept the kindness of others; which is difficult when pride kicks-in. I'd say the biggest miracle had to be when my tax accountant emailed me to say that I didn't have to pay him his fees and for me to see it as a contribution to my travels. When your tax accountant says that - you get busy!

If you are blessed enough to live within the top 5% of the world's richest (if you're reading this, that is likely to include you) then I hope this message resonates on some level. Some of the most inspiring people I have met were happy to trade their services or just happy to give in anyway they could. In fact the lovely circulation of seasonal clothing in the backpacker community is really awesome as is couch-surfing and that doesn't go to mention my surrogate family in Parvati family who were so humble that my heart is still broken.

I have also realised that real friends are the ones that want to see you shine. And I hope in a way I can make that happen for 'my crew'. I've loved being a photographer on adventures, making videos, offering strategic communications advice or just showing up when my intrepid soul brothers and sisters could do with a chat, cuddle, bed or a cook up.

You see something I have learned is true appreciation for life before anything else. The mere opportunity to be alive is pretty awesome not to mention to be born in a developed nation. Then I could go in to the things I am super grateful for: my family, friends and also importantly; me. I have truly proven to myself that I can grab life by the balls on my own. Eeeeek! Well ‘alone’ is really figuratively speaking as ‘no man is an island’ however, I have to remind myself that all I am left with is a bit of courage when things don't go to plan, I get seriously sick or my heart gets broken.

My surrogate family in remote Himalayas

And living a remarkable life does take the courage to face a lot of fears while learning to endure discomfort whether its cockroaches, an armpit of an Indian man on a local train, getting my backside pinched on a tourist bus, falling childishly in love with someone who doesn’t love me the same way, singing to an audience, racing boats in regattas, crossing the Atlantic as a chef(!) or presenting an online TV show. Yup. I actually experienced those things. All instances where I have had a daemon on my shoulder telling me some stupid story to take my power away as I faced some darker emotions that people don't see in the highlights reel: loneliness, vulnerability and shame.

Like kryptonite to Superman's soul the toxic self-talk and uncomfortable situations did nothing less than drag me down and yet challenge me once again to keep going when all I wanted was to hide away somewhere or 'fly home to Mum'. And no word of a lie, while I love a challenge there comes a point where peaceful surrender becomes the best resort to the battle. To embrace Lennon and let it be. To rise to the challenge with faith that whatever will be will be and work really bloody hard at ensuring that each day is still fully lived and each lesson is learned. That I show up to life despite its 'moments' and keep being positive because there's always something to smile about.


Traveling alone can be hard as hell. I’ve missed my family, my friends, my home comforts, my mind at times and I’ve even missed having a man to share those romantic moments with. However I know I have given myself space and time to get to know Jess, I've made some wonderful friends and learned to take full responsibility for 'me and my story'.

There are times when I really just want to find a base and hide away in a cave of comforts, a nice wardrobe, some pretty jewellery, a network of stable friends on my doorstep, have my family on call, my own kitchen(!), the routine and security of a 9-5 job but then I remind myself I have lived that life and will have the rest of my life to live it again one day.  So I'm keeping the dream alive while the Universe invites me to and working very hard to share as much kindness on the way while preserving my sanity i.e. knowing when to walk away. That to me is a much more powerful currency than money and a powerful thing to trust in through personal experience. Sadly an intellectual understanding of karma, philosophy and wise idioms didn't cut it for me… I had to learn it myself through some raw experiences.

So that's how I've survived my relentlessly changing and challenging world. The non-stop scenery and costume change of these last 22 months. I hope my sentiments aren't too self-indulgent. Perhaps they are. I have to write my ramblings somewhere and crazily people read my drivel (thanks if you made it this far).

But perhaps these words might even inspire someone to take life by the balls too, to follow their heart, live and give a little if not A LOT without being afraid of scarcity. 

G'waaaaan, what's the worst thing that can happen? 

It's not like we're getting out alive.

“Indeed our hearts are golden treasures, but a true tragedy would be to conceal your inner gold because you are afraid of someone stealing it or it falling and breaking. There is no love in fear. The great wisdom of the ages always tells us the more we Love the more of it you receive. Love is not a giving or a taking, it is a state of being – a one way street of allowing, accepting and holding a space for all things to be exactly as they are. 

Fear not that your heart will be broken or stolen. Love becomes love. Give it away with no expectation of return and soon you will be having a love affair with the whole world!” - Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.

happiness shouldn't cost the earth

I really like this TED talk.

There are many methods that exist today whereby we rely on the old systems which served a great purpose back in the day, but transposed in to the world we live in right now, may not be the most efficient way about it.

Nic Marks asks us to question a country's measure of success, the definition we rely on is a financial one, the GDP. But production doesn't relate to happiness and that is what really matters to people, in fact, as Simon Kuznets said in the 1930's "a nations welfare can scarcely be inferred from their national income" and so based on the scarced resource, the planet, what system is an effective one for measuring people's well-being whilst also considering that production isn't necessarily sustainable?

He believes the Happiness Index.

Asked in order of preference what was most important to a survey of people (importance ratings worldwide):

1. Happiness
2. Love
3. Health
4. Wealth
   

As you can see the first three are very close to one another, wealth on the other hand important, but not ranking so highly. So why is it we hear daily media updates on the stock exchange, the exchange rates, the performance of gold and yet we don't learn of a country's energy use? How close we are to achieving our carbon emission targets? As Marks puts it - our "collective goals"?

Marks also eludes to some truths in terms of what does make people happy:

• Connections - social relationships are the most important cornerstones of your life. Connectivity will also allow us to work together to achieve something good and if something does go wrong (peak oil for example), its these communities that will really make a difference to how we adjust and survive it.
• Be active - do things, go outside, listen to music. Being stagnant doesn't make us happy.
  
• Take notice - mindfulness is very strong for our well-being, cognitive therapy talks to how being in the moment and aware of your surroundings will help you feel good.
  
• Keep learning - being ever curious, always learning throughout your lifetime will keep you happier longer.
  
• Give - altruism and compassion are all hardwired to the reward mechanism in our brains, this something I am very much interested in (Changing the perceptions of giving)
  

And so bringing this to a grassroots level, whilst here we can question a country's measurement of its success (set in a time when production was paramount to the country's development), I feel there is another big question to ask - what is the correct measurement of the success of ourselves?