going for gaia

Earlier this year I went to a special place tucked up in the jungles of Thailand. A place immersed deeply in nature called Gaia Ashram that welcomes students from around the world to learn and grow together in alignment with nature.

Gaia Ashram hosted 25 of us and with inspiringly talented teachers and facilitators we dug deeper in to the learning’s of the land. We were empowered with practical knowledge that enabled us all to live a more sustainable lifestyle free from the dependency we have on unnatural resources and the short cuts of the modern age which rely heavily on toxic substances, that consequentlypollute our lands.

On my journey, I am again and again awestruck by Nature and am grateful for the practices that have connected me deeply with her / it. I know there are some who see and advocate for a better alignment of our collective energies with the planet and the one organism we are all a part of.

What I experienced at Gaia Ashram was more than an internship. While we trained in practical ways to build and grow organically and learned how to sustain and support life; it was also an opportunity to go more deeply in to the unwavering truth within that recognises itself in nature. Realising this oneness nurtures a very genuine care for life on this planet. I still smile to myself when I remember my friend Pasang, a Tibetan monk who would pick the beetles from the path as we trekked through the Himalayas. So divine to see such a care for life.

For the first two weeks we studied Natural Building learning how to create structures from the materials of the land. It was so awesome to realise that one can build bricks and mortar simply from combining the plasticity of clay found in the earth mixed with sand to give it structure. In a beautiful way it was like building a giant sandcastle as we collaborated in a mud pit, made bricks and built walls (and a pizza oven!) out of all the materials available on site. There were no masks and lots of muddy hands!

The days were long, starting at 5.45am for meditation and yoga before breakfast followed by the day’s offerings of Personal Empowerment Workshops and Natural Building. Our international group; zany, honest and beautiful, over time gently opened up and the masks slowly faded away as we got more and more vulnerable and real together. It was so refreshing.

We learned how to work together in a community, the responsibility of honouring time and energy of others and the challenging recognition that community living is no walk in the park. That there can be an abundance of triggers; that some people get upset if there’s sugar in their breakfast and that others just don’t want to play in the group and that it is all ok. It is not a common experience in Western society to have so many people living so closely together and I feel I have more empathy for the families that live on top of one another in the East or in the shanty towns I saw in South America.

What amazed me was how such a large group of people were able to reconcile - if not appreciate - their differences while practicing non-violent communication (aka 'Compassionate Communication') void of the notoriously disempowering finger point when expressing feelings in a group setting. We encouraged one another to take full responsibility for our choices and yet there was an embracing honesty and accountability. It fascinated me to watch our humanity unfold in this shared intimate space and while I was there to learn more practical teachings so I can build my own sustainable empire one-day; these lessons were undoubtedly invaluable.

The second two weeks had us in the garden planting organic vegetables, creating compost, natural pesticides and veggie patches. Surprisingly I found the garden to be a very welcome retreat from all the activity going on and I loved offering my time and energy to pulling out weeds (very liberating!) while creating a stunning mandala pebble path to beautify the space. I tapped in to the inner gardener in me and am excited to devote more time to crafting edible gardens in the future rather than putting energy in to the supermarket giants and some pretty horrific farming practices.

Deep Ecology lectures and workshops asked us to look at the world and humankinds place within it. How we are behaving on a collective scale and what practical steps one may wish to take to realign with nature and the sustainability of our planet. It was not always easy and through Joanna Macy’s processes we went deep in to honouring the pain of Nature, something Western society feels very uncomfortable with even expressing let alone honouring. These practices were however empowering as we also committed to offering more to the care of our planet.

But what of this for you dear reader? Well, I don’t know if you are with me or not, but I need to be honest about my feelings on how we really treat the planet and ultimately ourselves. I wouldn't say I was anymore perfect than the next person, but I continue persistently to try and learn how to tread lightly and live life with sobriety, implementing energy thoughtfully considering all I have learned.
It’s been a pretty humbling process and not something I expected to find myself doing when I chose to leave corporate life for world explorations.

To completely embody our true nature we must develop a greater awareness, honesty and responsibility for our inside worlds and a gentleness with that. To see the self-limiting beliefs and behaviours that can be deeply embedded in the psyche and drop the masks worn to protect bottled fears inside. I cannot begin to tell you how liberating and expansive that process is but perhaps witnessing my travels around the world might reflect that to you; Anything really is possible. Which is why I remain hopeful.

I hope that the world we create together will reflect a deep compassion, care and practice that is in alignment with the rhythms of nature and to have care - if not reverence - for Nature’s great unifying spirit. 

Interesting article: http://www.theguardian.com/environment/earth-insight/2014/mar/14/nasa-civilisation-irreversible-collapse-study-scientists

Great TED Talk 'Life is Easy. Why do we make it so hard': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21j_OCNLuYg

love & care, going to extremes

sadhu crew at bamboo

"Most people would join a gym Jecta" my old friend Springer remarked as we crossed Wandsworth bridge in London while I explained that I was planning on spending some time on a detox retreat at The Sanctuary Thailand. Perhaps, but not for me.

Somehow my time in the French Alps had taken its toll on my mind, body and soul. I'd held myself to ridiculously high standards in terms of my work, my diet and my lifestyle and after 5 months working a six day week so intensely with all the responsibilities that came with managing chalets and a team, I could see how my relationships around me were telling me that something wasn't right and I was slipping in to a place of guilt for not doing as much yoga and running as I had hoped while nibbling on croissants and allowing a bit of winter buffer around my belly to bug me.

After some curve balls and disappointments, I chose to step back in to my power again. It was time to give myself a gift. The greatest gift of extreme self-love and extreme self-care. Nourishment from the inside out, a polish and a realignment with the rhythms of nature and all her blessed shapes.

On a beautiful remote beach on the coast of Koh Phangan immersed in the jungles along the beach lives a stunning retreat centre called The Sanctuary. After two planes, a cab, a ferry and a fisherman boat, I stepped on to the sandy bay and breathed it all in. It was like stepping in to a dream and London felt a lifetime behind me as I gazed up at the open ocean calling me in to her waters.

I had visited The Sanctuary in 2011 with my Mum and we had opened up to the beautiful therapies, yoga classes and detox programs of the resort. I'd spent a session with a shaman going on a journey to find my power animal(s) and had had wonderful enlightening experiences for the two weeks we were there. This time round however, rather than being a corporate advertising executive with my designer bikini, playing hard ball negotiating my next contract and staying in one of their beautiful air conditioned Garden Suites, I was donning my rasta string bikini purchased at a local shop for a couple of hundred baht, had no time restrictions to my duration and no Mum to take care of. Just me and a humble fanned room with an epic view of the bay.

My first two weeks I spent without food and having a self-administered plastic tube up my bottom. Some would argue that this isn't a very loving thing to do but my goodness when one feels the boundless energy of the emptiness created, the heightened awareness and looks in the mirror to see the slender body once a distant memory, I can guarantee it brings about great appreciation. The detox program involved regular clay shakes of benzonite clay and psyllium husk, super food capsules, daily yoga classes and spa treatments... along with a daily enema. It required a fair amount of discipline and time keeping.

What amazed me was how ok I was without food. I really wanted to explore what Russell Brand says "lives behind your hunger" but I actually felt ok. I sat with people eating at the incredibly healthy and delicious cafe of the retreat centre, admired the salad bar and perhaps felt a craving or two for the Raw Bliss Balls and cheese cakes but otherwise what really filled my being was gladness.

"There's no where I would rather be" I found myself saying as I surrendered my whole time in Thailand to that bay. I didn't go on any big adventures, I didn't trek the jungles or wash elephants. I didn't visit a single temple nor step on the streets of Bangkok. Instead I immersed myself in the beauty of the bay and shared some of the happiest moments with the gorgeous family of therapists, yoga teachers and travellers in this little hub of paradise.

"Don't be sorry, be sexy" was the mantra of the bay and boy did we all feel it.

Open mic night saw me step in to my vulnerability and read poetry and sing in front of an audience. Movie night I buzzed with excitement watching this incredible documentary; What About Me? I joined Craig Stuart from Coral Alive replanting coral in the reef donning masks and learning to hold breath underwater. I danced wildly with an empty stomach in the small hours of the morning at the local weekly shindig, I watched the sunrise over the bay in pink golden light and connected with some beautiful new friends from around the world.

the special veranda

One afternoon I doused in poetry on a bamboo veranda with a gorgeous writer-musician (actually a dinosaur in disguise as a human) Luke from Travel Write Sing before practicing frog impressions in the plunge pool and resonating powerful 'Ommmms' in the steam room cave. Another time, surrounded by beautiful women we sped like a ship of warrior goddess' across the ocean to a 'tribal chique' garden party in Koh Sumui armed with face paints, glitter and feathers.

Brett on the rock.

One day I trekked to the neighbour beach and meditated with a cliff jumping tattooed Canadian called Brett and we practiced Samyama meditation with the great rocks that had made it down the mountains after eons of travel. We knew they were happy to have reached the ocean at last. Sunsets I had jamming with musicians serenading mosquitos or joining gatherings to watch lightning storms across the bay. Not forgetting a few nights dancing wildly in the rain singing with the boy with the biggest smile, guitarist Jason and laughing and cuddling Maddie, my 'Sagi Sister'.

Another evening I experienced the incredible luminescent plankton as we went on a night swim and I felt like a child in ecstatic wonderment watching my movements create sparkles in the deep dark waters. I recall lying on a beach bed looking up at the stars with a soul brother Dan from the States. A kindred spirit who too had studied Law and pursued a career in the corporate world before it spat him out and he journeyed through Tibetan Buddhist culture and became a yoga teacher. His words still with me now and inspiring seedlings we birthed in each other.

My people I found there. Grounded, open hearted and inspiring souls from everywhere who reminded me of things I already knew and whispered through their hearts "keep going Jess, keep going". I cannot begin to explain the love and gratitude felt for the tender hearts on that bay. Its a magical place.

After meeting a powerfully healing ROLFING practitioner Sarah, I spent a month having regular sessions and experiencing some of the deepest healing's I've ever had while bringing my body in to its fullest alignment and posture. I won't lie, there was certainly pain. Ever questioning I couldn't believe it when I physically felt an energy leave my stomach like a tangible ball of anxiety dust extracted through a cosmic vacuum cleaner. "Oh my God... What the hell was that?" I said to Sarah. "It doesn't matter now dear, it has gone now in love and light" and then a world of tears fell as feelings of betrayal vibrated through my body and intense heat gushed through to my finger tips while a sigh of relief breathed my insides. Wow. Then there were cacao ceremonies, elemental dances, sound baths, Ayurvedic classes and all the other incredible workshops the Tea Temple hosts for guests at The Sanctuary.

Well, I could go on and on. I can say that nothing felt more liberating, more empowering and more inspiring than this time being at The Sanctuary. I was bare feet for a month - that is always a good sign for me. I swam in the ocean everyday and wrapped myself in the sounds of nature; the frog orchestras, the birdsong, the monkeys and the soft beating of the gentle waves crashing on the sand. And I've been writing, that long awaited tale that I've spoken so much on and finally found the inspiration to write. It feels like an old painting that I am merely articulating through words. And my goodness is it flowing, I've filled up the back of my journal and found myself scavenging scraps of paper to capture the words that want to live somewhere. So exciting for this little writer.

I appreciate that not all jectaspecta readers live a lifestyle that gives them the means, time and space to go on long nourishing retreats like this one (and so does The Sanctuary with its weeklong programs). I can't say that my lifestyle is always easy but I can say that like the human experience, it is one hell of an adventure and I love it most the time... and in moments when I'm not, I know I'm growing in appreciation and strength.

Admittedly in the past I have got entangled in the heavy stuff, fallen in to places of doubt, frustration, envy, anger and sadness. These places are hard for me - I'm sure like many of us - because I grew up believing they were wrong and I didn't have the courage to sit with the pain. This nourishing experience really acted as a soothing balm on what has been one hell of a deep process on the road and while I was there a beautiful friend and Yin Yogini Georgia shone a light upon my grief one afternoon as we swam through the ocean together. She helped me see that what I thought was grief for an old love and everything that revolved around it, was actually the grief I had for my old self. A simple realisation but the most liberating to date to realise the intense transformation the last few years traveling has had on me, shedding the layers and old programming and coming to accept the person I have become through it in the NOW.

So more and more I am learning about self empowerment - to find the love and care for me from within and give myself a lot of it because I bloody well deserve it as do we all! As my Mum would say "Happiness is always with you, patience and faith are a good combination. But happiness is with you always." Such a wise woman she is and what an empowering reminder for us all.

Thank you The Sanctuary and all the incredible lights that held and shared space for me while I was there. I am still buzzing in grace :)