are you a drop in the ocean? or the ocean in a drop?

One of the virtues of being in charge of my own time, mostly, has been the opportunity to reflect on some of the deeper questions on life. This is not new for me. As a child I remember asking "what is the meaning of life?" with the rather cute response being "to find the meaning". For a little nipper, that is pretty wise and deep...

I'm fascinated by philosophy. Love to get poetic and metaphoric with spirit and science. I get called a 'hippy' on a regular basis. Which still bugs me a little but I am learning to embrace it. I don't know what qualifies me as a hippy... But nevertheless as a 'bonafide hippy' there's one idea I work to advocate and that is the shortcut key of 'Peace & Love'. I've got there a few times. Of completely 100% embodying this place but then like a burning fire on a relentless mission to purify the soul, something will come up and I'll be put back to work again. That's the inside practice.

What I often fall in to duality with is the 'inside-outside' world. I have written a lot on some of the madness our world faces and there have been times when I have walked around and felt disturbed by the world around me. Just the other day I walked around Times Square and being wide open to everything felt like I was taking a huge over excited moving screen hit of neon that was injected directly in to my adrenal gland. People everywhere. Lights everywhere. Messages. Buy, buy, buy... Eurgh. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Then I teleport back to walking through a small market town in the Himalayan region of India and seeing a beautiful grubby girl holding a plastic bag full of empty bottles. I loved that child. She was doing such a service by collecting that recyclable waste instead of allowing it all to toxify the lands in the area. But her society saw her as a low caste, an 'untouchable'. When I held her hand and we walked through the street together, my Indian friend Ganesh explained that people were pointing and expressing their disgust at this girl and I for being in contact. How cruel to think there exists a world where a child cannot be held because of the caste she was born in to.

There's a shamanic principle that suggests one 'has acceptance for all'. A wonderful non-dualistic concept; learning to appreciate the darkness to appreciate the light. Or something like that. But stepping aside from this enlightened place of 'everything's meant to be' I still struggle to come to terms with some of the terrible things that are happening on this planet.

A decision I felt forced to make in 2011 was to get dark, deep and gritty with my stuff. To delve within. And after many a self-righteous rant about all this is wrong with the world; the environment, poverty, sexism, inequality and a whole plethora of issues that need to be addressed besides the fact that media is brainwashing us with fear and subscribing us to tow a line that may not be in service of good at all ie. war... After all this ranting, I very quickly realised that inside me also exists shadow dimensions of pain, anger, fear, sadness and turmoil. Some inherited genetics, most psychologically conditioned reactions and resistances from Earth school grit.

I hadn't previously realised how much the past was still replaying in my present. What emerged were psychological wounds and vulnerable feelings of a misunderstood and very sensitive child. I recall reading about a polar bear that died in the local zoo due to the heat wave and I just broke down in tears. I began psychologically studying myself, got angry a lot, I practiced mindfulness and therapeutic practices. In an act of self-care, I hired a hut in the Caribbean and spent most afternoons doing yoga and meditation on the beach. In my shack I worked on integrating, writing, photo editing, creating beautiful things out of the resources I had and I danced. It was transformational and it was painful and at times I felt very sorry for myself. I found the key to mindful awareness was to develop a secure frame that could contain any feeling; no matter how painful, to allow it to to be received with grace.

I share this because I want to get real here and I know what it is like to be going it alone and feeling vulnerable. Things happen in life, the ocean gets choppy, we swallow too much salt water and we may struggle to keep afloat. There are times when the life boat feels like it is sinking and safety feels a long way away. I learned that safety needed to be something I could create for myself amidst any kind of chaos and pain. An inner trust and sense of safety. With a tightly gripped hand we cannot hold water, it falls between our fingers. But with our hands we can cup it. When I came home to this place again, I realised it had never gone, I was always held by mother nature. But I'd got swept up in a big rip, held on too tightly and needed to improve my breaststroke and breathe a lot deeper. I needed to surrender and allow myself to be present with life no matter how painful. The chemical soap burn scene in Fight Club encapsulates that feeling; no power animal, no visualisation techniques, no mantras, just 100% there with the feeling.

The thing's that plague our society still make me dream it better and have had me in tears but I am grateful to feel. In the West we have built up a strange notion that feelings are a weakness not a strength. And there's a lot in this world that is heartbreakingly destructive or darn right insane. But thankfully there's also a lot on this planet that is so so stunningly beautiful, inspiring and kind. 

If we want to be shining beacons for peace, it starts - in my humble opinion - with being ok with oneself; to respond to one's authenticity with presence and acceptance (and compassion) even when the ocean's rough. And we need to have the courage to allow for change, as life inevitably is.

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” - Gandhi

Reference: The Role of Grief on the Spiritual Path (Huffington Post)

love & care, going to extremes

sadhu crew at bamboo

"Most people would join a gym Jecta" my old friend Springer remarked as we crossed Wandsworth bridge in London while I explained that I was planning on spending some time on a detox retreat at The Sanctuary Thailand. Perhaps, but not for me.

Somehow my time in the French Alps had taken its toll on my mind, body and soul. I'd held myself to ridiculously high standards in terms of my work, my diet and my lifestyle and after 5 months working a six day week so intensely with all the responsibilities that came with managing chalets and a team, I could see how my relationships around me were telling me that something wasn't right and I was slipping in to a place of guilt for not doing as much yoga and running as I had hoped while nibbling on croissants and allowing a bit of winter buffer around my belly to bug me.

After some curve balls and disappointments, I chose to step back in to my power again. It was time to give myself a gift. The greatest gift of extreme self-love and extreme self-care. Nourishment from the inside out, a polish and a realignment with the rhythms of nature and all her blessed shapes.

On a beautiful remote beach on the coast of Koh Phangan immersed in the jungles along the beach lives a stunning retreat centre called The Sanctuary. After two planes, a cab, a ferry and a fisherman boat, I stepped on to the sandy bay and breathed it all in. It was like stepping in to a dream and London felt a lifetime behind me as I gazed up at the open ocean calling me in to her waters.

I had visited The Sanctuary in 2011 with my Mum and we had opened up to the beautiful therapies, yoga classes and detox programs of the resort. I'd spent a session with a shaman going on a journey to find my power animal(s) and had had wonderful enlightening experiences for the two weeks we were there. This time round however, rather than being a corporate advertising executive with my designer bikini, playing hard ball negotiating my next contract and staying in one of their beautiful air conditioned Garden Suites, I was donning my rasta string bikini purchased at a local shop for a couple of hundred baht, had no time restrictions to my duration and no Mum to take care of. Just me and a humble fanned room with an epic view of the bay.

My first two weeks I spent without food and having a self-administered plastic tube up my bottom. Some would argue that this isn't a very loving thing to do but my goodness when one feels the boundless energy of the emptiness created, the heightened awareness and looks in the mirror to see the slender body once a distant memory, I can guarantee it brings about great appreciation. The detox program involved regular clay shakes of benzonite clay and psyllium husk, super food capsules, daily yoga classes and spa treatments... along with a daily enema. It required a fair amount of discipline and time keeping.

What amazed me was how ok I was without food. I really wanted to explore what Russell Brand says "lives behind your hunger" but I actually felt ok. I sat with people eating at the incredibly healthy and delicious cafe of the retreat centre, admired the salad bar and perhaps felt a craving or two for the Raw Bliss Balls and cheese cakes but otherwise what really filled my being was gladness.

"There's no where I would rather be" I found myself saying as I surrendered my whole time in Thailand to that bay. I didn't go on any big adventures, I didn't trek the jungles or wash elephants. I didn't visit a single temple nor step on the streets of Bangkok. Instead I immersed myself in the beauty of the bay and shared some of the happiest moments with the gorgeous family of therapists, yoga teachers and travellers in this little hub of paradise.

"Don't be sorry, be sexy" was the mantra of the bay and boy did we all feel it.

Open mic night saw me step in to my vulnerability and read poetry and sing in front of an audience. Movie night I buzzed with excitement watching this incredible documentary; What About Me? I joined Craig Stuart from Coral Alive replanting coral in the reef donning masks and learning to hold breath underwater. I danced wildly with an empty stomach in the small hours of the morning at the local weekly shindig, I watched the sunrise over the bay in pink golden light and connected with some beautiful new friends from around the world.

the special veranda

One afternoon I doused in poetry on a bamboo veranda with a gorgeous writer-musician (actually a dinosaur in disguise as a human) Luke from Travel Write Sing before practicing frog impressions in the plunge pool and resonating powerful 'Ommmms' in the steam room cave. Another time, surrounded by beautiful women we sped like a ship of warrior goddess' across the ocean to a 'tribal chique' garden party in Koh Sumui armed with face paints, glitter and feathers.

Brett on the rock.

One day I trekked to the neighbour beach and meditated with a cliff jumping tattooed Canadian called Brett and we practiced Samyama meditation with the great rocks that had made it down the mountains after eons of travel. We knew they were happy to have reached the ocean at last. Sunsets I had jamming with musicians serenading mosquitos or joining gatherings to watch lightning storms across the bay. Not forgetting a few nights dancing wildly in the rain singing with the boy with the biggest smile, guitarist Jason and laughing and cuddling Maddie, my 'Sagi Sister'.

Another evening I experienced the incredible luminescent plankton as we went on a night swim and I felt like a child in ecstatic wonderment watching my movements create sparkles in the deep dark waters. I recall lying on a beach bed looking up at the stars with a soul brother Dan from the States. A kindred spirit who too had studied Law and pursued a career in the corporate world before it spat him out and he journeyed through Tibetan Buddhist culture and became a yoga teacher. His words still with me now and inspiring seedlings we birthed in each other.

My people I found there. Grounded, open hearted and inspiring souls from everywhere who reminded me of things I already knew and whispered through their hearts "keep going Jess, keep going". I cannot begin to explain the love and gratitude felt for the tender hearts on that bay. Its a magical place.

After meeting a powerfully healing ROLFING practitioner Sarah, I spent a month having regular sessions and experiencing some of the deepest healing's I've ever had while bringing my body in to its fullest alignment and posture. I won't lie, there was certainly pain. Ever questioning I couldn't believe it when I physically felt an energy leave my stomach like a tangible ball of anxiety dust extracted through a cosmic vacuum cleaner. "Oh my God... What the hell was that?" I said to Sarah. "It doesn't matter now dear, it has gone now in love and light" and then a world of tears fell as feelings of betrayal vibrated through my body and intense heat gushed through to my finger tips while a sigh of relief breathed my insides. Wow. Then there were cacao ceremonies, elemental dances, sound baths, Ayurvedic classes and all the other incredible workshops the Tea Temple hosts for guests at The Sanctuary.

Well, I could go on and on. I can say that nothing felt more liberating, more empowering and more inspiring than this time being at The Sanctuary. I was bare feet for a month - that is always a good sign for me. I swam in the ocean everyday and wrapped myself in the sounds of nature; the frog orchestras, the birdsong, the monkeys and the soft beating of the gentle waves crashing on the sand. And I've been writing, that long awaited tale that I've spoken so much on and finally found the inspiration to write. It feels like an old painting that I am merely articulating through words. And my goodness is it flowing, I've filled up the back of my journal and found myself scavenging scraps of paper to capture the words that want to live somewhere. So exciting for this little writer.

I appreciate that not all jectaspecta readers live a lifestyle that gives them the means, time and space to go on long nourishing retreats like this one (and so does The Sanctuary with its weeklong programs). I can't say that my lifestyle is always easy but I can say that like the human experience, it is one hell of an adventure and I love it most the time... and in moments when I'm not, I know I'm growing in appreciation and strength.

Admittedly in the past I have got entangled in the heavy stuff, fallen in to places of doubt, frustration, envy, anger and sadness. These places are hard for me - I'm sure like many of us - because I grew up believing they were wrong and I didn't have the courage to sit with the pain. This nourishing experience really acted as a soothing balm on what has been one hell of a deep process on the road and while I was there a beautiful friend and Yin Yogini Georgia shone a light upon my grief one afternoon as we swam through the ocean together. She helped me see that what I thought was grief for an old love and everything that revolved around it, was actually the grief I had for my old self. A simple realisation but the most liberating to date to realise the intense transformation the last few years traveling has had on me, shedding the layers and old programming and coming to accept the person I have become through it in the NOW.

So more and more I am learning about self empowerment - to find the love and care for me from within and give myself a lot of it because I bloody well deserve it as do we all! As my Mum would say "Happiness is always with you, patience and faith are a good combination. But happiness is with you always." Such a wise woman she is and what an empowering reminder for us all.

Thank you The Sanctuary and all the incredible lights that held and shared space for me while I was there. I am still buzzing in grace :)

who's the guru of the guru gang?

 

A crazily long time ago I managed to persuade my open-minded boyfriend at the time, Chris, to join me on a weekend trip to the Blue Mountains, Australia. We stayed at a cottage embraced by autumnal woodland in order to study techniques in meditation practice. I was really looking forward to having a break and enjoying a trip in to nature while taking my mind out of the grind.

When Chris and I arrived we slowly found ourselves participants of what seemed to be a real life comedy. We were welcomed in to the cottage on Friday night and shown our room. I suppose this was when things began to get strange as we found ourselves in a florally decorated room, with a charming patch-work quilt and one very strange framed photograph next to the bed.

“Urmm…. Who is that?!” Chris said to me quizzing said photo frame. We both started laughing uncontrollably as we realised that there perched next to our bedstead was a photograph of an old white lady with her hands in prayer staring right at us promising our nights sleep somewhat awkward. Unsure of what the protocol was at a meditation retreat with a strange old lady image next to our bed, whose eyes seemingly followed us, we decided to gently face her down as we settled in for a nights sleep.

Eight people from Sydney had made their way to the retreat in search of some stillness. Early in the morning. Michael, the meditation teacher had us settle in the studio for our first meditation. The session started with the teacher gently requesting whether we had any questions before we started…

“Yeeeeaaaa! I do…” a loud New Yorker voice called out from the front breaking the zen silence of the room with her voice.

“Yes? Please what would you like to ask?” replied Michael the meditation teacher softly, taking a breath and bringing the energy back to softness.

“Who’s that woman in the picture everywhere?!” she replied. Asking the very same question that Chris and I pondered upon the night before.

“Oh, you mean, our Guru? That’s Guru xyz.” (I’m sorry I don’t remember her name but it was a little long and unpronounceable)

“What’s a Guru?!” replied New York.

“Well, she’s our teacher. We honour her and respect her.” Said Michael calmly ending the subject. “Are there anymore questions?”

“Yes..." New York again with more on her mind. "Who’s the Leader?” she remarked.

“What do you mean?” Replied Michael patiently taking in a deep breath.

“I mean, who’s the leader of the guru gang?!” said New York incidentally raising a very valid point.

What followed was a very interesting dialogue whereby Michael tried to explain how revered his teacher was while funny New Yorker challenged him on every point in her very abrasive and loud zen-shattering voice.

It was quite hilarious and by the time the conversation finished there was little clarity on who indeed was the ‘leader of the guru gang’. The elderly lady with hands in prayer was obviously a special woman who had been a guiding light for the owners of the meditation retreat, however, without any personal connection nor inspiration from her or her life; Chris and I merely saw an old lady, hands in prayer with head tilted, staring at us creepily from our bedside table

The whole weekend was life stranger than fiction which had Chris and I joking about it for a while after. I still giggle to myself about some of the funny incidents that actually inspired me to write a comedy sketch based on it. While the meditation was beautiful and certainly beneficial especially with the backdrop of the stunning autumnal colours in the Blue Mountains, besides giving us the heebie-jeebies; the owner's guru did nothing to inspire us if I am honest.

This memory revisits me, mostly because it makes me a laugh a lot and also as a teacher it's something I realise is important to remember. I feel we can all be our own masters and learn to honour one another, that we are all creators, that we bring in to our world the people and situations that can teach and grow us while perhaps the most divine of teachers is one’s own inner self no longer manipulated by the expectations of society, people around us and I’m sorry to say, even our parents’, but free to explore our own ultimate potential as empowered guides to ourselves.

how not to let the creative journey kill you

I write this from beautiful Cartagena in Colombia where I have based myself under a mango tree (that keeps on dropping them - fortunately not on my head) as a make shift officespace to focus on bringing some very special projects to fruition.

These projects are dear to my heart that I am delighted to invest my heart and soul in to. However with such an investment of my time, I have found old worker bee habits sneaking back from my past life in Adland where, at its worse, I would wake up checking emails on my iPhone and spend the whole day in front of my laptop, unconsciously eat lunches in front of a screen and even work over the weekend in 'always on' worker bee mode (tips and tools for surviving the daily grind here). 

Thankfully I have not been sick for a long time but I recall the impact the grind was having on my body, mind and soul that required I also gave loving attention to myself as I went on retreats, took up Bikram yoga and did detox cleanses (not ideal in an office environment especially when meetings with clients were often gastronomic and a little over indulgent).

I’ve found that this talk from Jonathan Fields a timely reminder on how we might avoid dying through the creative process while one makes something extraordinary from nothing (Marianna also talks wisely on the value of the emptiness of which creativity is born):

Balancing work with play on tour is a challenge.

I love this lifestyle and I have learned so many cool things; however I need purpose in life and that is to create.

These three 'secrets' are keeping me alive, engaged and turned on. I hope you find value in them too:

1. Ritualise the morning.
Checking emails first thing is not wise and can have one start the day in a responsive mode. Recently, while in love with my work, I slipped back in to this habit. Now I am back to a meditative sitting (or if in a dorm, lying) practice to provide me with a mind re-set to start the day. Personally, I enjoy pranayama breathing and connecting my body with my breath by lifting my arms above my head behind me and back down gently restoratively with breath. Note: if you are sharing a dorm - this looks strange to others. Play cool meditation music (playlist I made here) with headphones to be less of a distraction. As Jonathan explains, mindfulness can help remove the negative story-lines (such as not being good enough) that can hinder the creative process.
2. Move. Move. Move. I enjoy going for a walk with my beloved camera and listening to some fun tunes on my ipod shuffle. Should the climate not be too hot I may even go for a run. Yesterday, after a gruelling Monday, I created the time to visit the beach, do some yoga, meditate and have a massage while I saw my productiveness and sense of calm be restored upon my return. This was the first track that played on my ipod which gave me such a skip in my step.
3. Eat healthily. This is super challenging while travelling; sometimes I just have to humbly accept what I am given as a guest (and forgo vegetarianism). I really recommend applying the Ayurvedic principles and eating fresh fruit and veg! Sometimes I fast for the day and only have fruit fallen from mamma mango tree and I believe that the religious practice of fasting is actually born from intelligence (a modern day equivalent: 5-2 diet). I seem to love myself and my work that little bit more when my snack breaks are delicious pieces of fruit. Also for travellers who need grounding, having the same breakfast everyday is good practice as is a breakfast like porridge with grounding oats and grains.

I hope this gives you some useful tips and insights in to how to ensure the creative journey, with its dark night and all, ensures your mind, body and soul sit in a state of yummy goodness as you bring those beauties to life with a sense of grounding.

flying 101

For many, flying any distance can trigger an array of worryful emotions. Here are some “Fly Safe” tips that I’ve acquired over the last few years of world travel.

This is how you want your flight to feel like - smooth, serene and drama free.

I have flown in and out of the world's scariest airport, Lukla in the Himalayas of Nepal, more than once (first time in 2011 footage is here) and feel I may have learned a lesson or two on perfecting the peaceful art of flight. We're not talking about divinely inspired astral projections through the quantum leaps of spirit travel, but if you have that gift and haven't mastered how to stay cool on land, I'd strongly recommend meditation.

Here are some tips on how to ensure a smooth transition from one reality to another while not getting too lost in the no-mans land of departure lounges and loud monotonous voices on repeat.

1. Start from the ground.

Time can move at a different rate when one is on tour. Days, weeks, hours, minutes, oh how they like to stretch and squeeze. My tip is to set a reminder in advance for your trip. Print out or write down your destination, transfer trains/stops and pack the day before. Be prepared and grounded.

Starting from the ground gives one the opportunity to gather some momentum, to feel your feet without the risk of leaping out in to thin air and hitting a solid surface full frontal with an emotional winding and a sore head.

2. Surrender to the lights.

Airports are the no-mans land of the modern age (or if you're a dreadlocked buddy of mine; 'a transdimensional porthole from one mindset to another').  Airports can all suck in their own kind of way and there’s nothing dignified about taking shoes off and going through a pat down in the ghastly-lit terminals of the transient but it’s a necessary discomfort for travellers to become accustomed to.

Eventually you will train yourself to not have liquids on you whether or not the rule applies in that country or not. Warning: letting out a sarcastic sigh going through the metal detector may also receive suspicious glances.

3. Run, but don’t panic.

Should one get too soaked up by the free wifi or the perfume tester section of Duty Free and find their name being called for an imminent departure; Run. Run like the prostitutes handbag you probably stink of. Do your best to make that flight, but whatever you do, don’t waste oxygen panicking. Or if you do, take deep breaths and know that by panicking, that flight isn’t going to be any slower.

This is a learning experience. Be cool. Sweat a little and look like a muppet running through departures but inside... be cool. Hit that curve ball home run.

4. During your flight… Sit back… meditate.

The best thing about flying for me is the choiceless time it affords between toilet visits, food and tea breaks.

When food is served on the flight I recommend the vegetarian option - you will be guaranteed to get your food before everyone else, be doing something good for the environment and importantly will probably avoid bloatedness too.

The world can be a paradox of choices and having less space and distractions, despite somewhat enforceably, can open up an endless choice of the very little. This is worth appreciating if you’re from a world of ‘mass choice consumption’.

If you’re on a flight with a decent film selection that will entertain and not overly sensationalise the end of the world with blood, gore and zombies, then you may be able to just aimlessly relax in front of the screen and allow time to pass and meditate i.e. consciously breathe nurturing a stillness within.

The last movie I recall watching is Breakfast at Tiffanys for the first time, it's a sweet lady movie to get jet-lagged to.  I find fly time as my meditation and gaze in the right direction when the lady tells me how to put a life jacket on and where the exits are while somewhere in my consciousness I know what I'll be doing should there ever be an emergency.  

5. Coming in to land.

If you can’t pilot the plane then you may as well relax through the descent and avoid wasting your imagination with ‘what ifs’. If the plane’s going to crash, it will crash. As someone who’s flown in and out of the most dangerous airport in the world, tucked up in to the Himalayas, I trust my authority on this one.  If you decide to believe that you have any influence at all on the plane’s landing, please take some seriously deep breaths, think happy thoughts and stay relaxed. That’s some big responsibility you’ve given for yourself there.

6. Put down your landing gear. Eyes wide open.

Let whatever experience you had from one contrast to another, one paradigm, one world, one way of being; just let it all wash over you. It may require a lie in, a shower and a decent local meal. For me a sunrise tea and a bath is a wonderful slow way to reset and start again. It’s always good to know someone where you are going to first (couch-surfing is great for that) although it’s also fun wiping the slate clean and working it out for yourself with a map and a cool head (and some useful local words). Don't look for your name on a card as you get through arrivals, you survived the fuzzy headed queues and the grilling from customs, walk out head high and find the bus stop, train station or taxi rank. The signs just there in front of you. Remember: Stay in the love dimension and "happiness is a way of travel, not a destination" (Roy M. Goodman).

You made it so pop your shades on and get on with it.

Here are 3 lessons from traveling that lead to everyday happiness.

healing your body with your mind

So basically, if you believe in something that gives your life meaning, you have a better life. Why?

my shamanic encounter

In January this year I went to a Thai yoga retreat where essentially you fast, do yoga and meditate for 10 days. Now I do have my 'alternative' tendencies, and while ever keen to keep feet securely on the ground, I also recognise the amazing rewards you can get out of a bit of health, exercise and peace of mind. Namely, in my case 6 kilos, toe-touching and the ability to be surprisingly zen in the company of mi Venezuelan madre (who came with me) for a whole month.

While I was there I met some pretty interesting folk. Documentary producers, chefs, teachers, events folk, advertising peeps and peace-n-loving hippies. It was such a mix bag. One minute you're talking about the weather in the UK, the next you're taking a deep dive in to the world of Quantum Physics.

On day 7 of my fast, some 4 kilos down and reaching that point where the head rushes were intensifying and my yoga was at a stage where I could nearly kiss my knee without bending it  - I decided to investigate some of the other abstract "healings" that were taking place at The Sanctuary.

That is when I met Vinod, a Shaman from the UK, who owned a gorgeous wooden hut in the mountains overlooking the ocean. My consultation was to begin with a conversation about me. Why am I hear? Well I guess I'm just curious. What are you looking to achieve? Insight perhaps (although secretly I may have wanted to experience one of those far-out Shamanic rituals which included vomiting and hallucinations that Bruce Parry had in his BBC series, Tribes). What do you know about Shamans? They worship the earth. And so on... Until it was my turn...

What do Shaman's believe? There's no such thing as right or wrong. No polarised opposites like heaven and hell. What rules do they follow? The "natural laws" of the universe. That there are "layers" of other-worlds that they can connect with in their minds, like new dimensions... This is interesting I thought, so what can I do? You can find you're power animal, he said. Cool...

And so Vinod proceeded to begin the ritual. My job was easy. Lie down, breathe, relax and follow his lead while he played drums, chanted, burnt woody incense and asked me to "let go". The process was simple, in a state of relaxation I would go in to "other dimension" by visualising a beautiful place, falling down a hole and then coming out the other end where, potentially, I'd hang out with some animals until I found my "power" one... OK I'm losing you aren't I?

While ceremonious (and arguably sacred), the experience was more an exercise in imagination. Which is precisely the point. Vinod later explained that the Shamans believe you connect using the right-side of your brains to these "other dimensions". That these imaginings and visualisations are where you can attain insight. And he's right. Like how, apparently, Nobel prize winner Francis Crick discovered the structure for DNA while high on LSD. Not that I would advocate trying it yourself. I never have. But then again I've never discovered double helix molecular structures either...

Now I'm ever skeptical although equally open to new experiences and ancient rituals, they fascinate me, but regardless of whether Shamanism is a farce or not - the creative exercise is what keeps human-beings alive and progressing; finding solutions to problems and propelling us forwards through the manifestation of ideas.

And as for my Shamanic ritual, perhaps I did attain a bit of insight, I discovered that you should not have one in the jungle without wearing insect repellent and that my Shamanic Power animal is an Elephant...

and a Monkey....

Hey, no one said you can't have more than one ;)

the silent retreatment

Image courtesy of Vermont Ferret

Recently I decided it was time to invest in a form of mediation known as Vipassana (which is essentially a 10 day silent retreat). I have dabbled in meditation before and found it to be a great form of relaxation, however, sticking to it given the life I lead has been a challenge. There's no denying that I broach the subject reluctantly with people as frankly it doesn't necessarily align with social norms of Western society, people give you that look which says "You're... interesting..."

I suppose if I am honest this was a curious enterprise for me, I've never remained quiet for such a long period of time, am married to my iPhone, wifi flows through my body everyday and I have succumbed to a restless addiction to coffee - so a prolonged abstinence was an unnerving endurance test.

And so, how was it? What happened?

The meditation retreat was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I wanted to leave a lot. I was somewhat misled by the term "retreat" given that the whole process was personally nothing but. I craved meat. I found myself singing Cher and I got angry at people leaving doors open.

However. Even though I can say it was difficult, in the same breath, I will also admit it was quite possibly one of the best things I have done in my life. And get this: Being silent for 10 days solid was the easy part (albeit impractical).

Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation, the technique is a very practical one progressively taught day by day and what I found essentially interesting was the psychological implications of the practice. Contrary to meditative tradition, I have sought to intellectualise it.

Neuroscientists have found that meditators shift brain activity to different areas of the cortex - brain waves in the stress-prone right frontal cortex move to the calmer left frontal cortex. This mental shift decreases the negative effects of stress, mild depression and anxiety. There is also less activity in the amygdala, where the brain processes fear and so it was no surprised that I consequently felt pretty relaxed following 10 days of intense meditation (timetable), no surprise at all.

What was amazing was the cognitive impact during the practice which went beyond alleviating stress. Apparently the brain is organised into a hierarchy of specialised modules, at the top of which are three mega modules which represent information according to their specialism. Roughly they relate to:

• Knowledge/Thoughts
  
• Emotion
  
• Action
  

During the laborious meditation stints, after dragging my sorry self from bed to meditation hall before the sun had risen and my eyes had blinked out the blindness, I would actively train myself to view objectively (Knowledge) the physical sensations (Action) and my feelings (Emotion) for aprox 12 hours a day. No easy feat believe me. What happened? Well, I became hyper-sensitive in these three areas (but please note - this is very subjective).

Knowledge/Thoughts
I didn't get smarter, but I got wiser. Something that resonated was the idea that "Wisdom is knowledge transformed" and that's how it felt. What was also incredible was my memory recall. I remembered moments of my past, people, incidents, details that I hadn't even thought about since they occurred. One in particular which had me giggling relentlessly.

Emotion
Emotionally I became incredibly aware of my response mechanism, the tangibility of emotions and the choice one has to react to an emotion or not.

Action
And finally, whilst clearly my action was limited to a bare minimum, physically during practice, I had some very surreal "sensations" apparently akin to the effects of horse tranquilizer (according to someone I spoke to afterward who had a similar experience) and by being impartial to these totally bizarre sensations experienced the innate link between behaviour, thoughts and emotion by observing them.

So, in conclusion, for fear of sounding like a crazy new age hippie who may have had John Lennon on repeat in her mind, got far too excited about porridge and had mild obsessive compulsive tendencies around light switches and herbal tea, the Vipassana had a tremendously good impact on me. I was sharper, confident, creative and according to my bf, one very cool cucumber as a consequence. I fully recommend it.

Meditation

Now before thoughts of tree hugging, smelly dreads and any general hippie stereotype come to mind, I would like to assure you, I am not a hippie. Or may be I am. Like a modern day urban hippie who enjoys living in the chaos, the city rush, coffees and cocktails, fashion and good food.

I suppose the fact that I have to defend myself in my first sentence addresses the premise that meditating isn't seen as a mainstream past time or at least one spoken of (in Sydney at least). It brings about thoughts of Buddhism and well, the relinquishment of worldly pursuits for the sake of spiritual/psychological gain is alien to the prevailing values of capitalism today, I mean, you can't make money with your eyes closed and legs crossed all day!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, on a wee whim, I escaped the city and spent the weekend at a meditation retreat in order to learn techniques and practice a touch of yoga.

Since my dabble in the "quieting of the mind" I have tried to keep up my practice by having some down time at the end of each day. Trust me, its a difficult thing to start. Be it intimidation, boredom, restlessness or just lack of time. For me the concept of staying still is incredibly alien to me. Hell I even fidget in my sleep. Still I have noticed quite a remarkable change and empowerment following these "sessions" each night.

I am a pretty chilled bean anyway but there is no denying, the noise, the chaotic rush of peoples, the relentless propagation and information that we absorb in to our everyday lives is arguably unnatural. For ants perhaps not but definitely for people. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that switching off for a while was like pouring water on to parched land, I felt refreshed. The things that annoyed me to a point where self expression had elevated to foot stomping and huffing became seemingly minor. I know I am a long way off from tapping in to the serious benefits of meditation, what I've managed to get from these few invested hours, Buddha gets in a sneeze. So I've only had a taster, but I'll still advocate that its very good exercise, even if you do run the risk of social ridicule amongst friends... (you'll be too chilled to care anyway)

So whether it be a little 'out there' to admit this, I am going to try to keep it up... or at least for those moments of foot stomping and recommend any curios to do the same.

Peace & ommmms
Jecta x