going back in to the green womb

After bathing in the shimmering river that lead down to the turquoise waters of the Caribbean ocean, I started making the steep climb up to the small shack, a pentagon shaped hut with a thatch roof that promised to be my home for the next 24 hours. I was ready to delve in to a dimension never consciously voyaged before. This was where I was to join a local shaman with my friend a 66 year old gentleman, Norberto from Taganaga as we go to take what the people call here ‘la medicina’.

La medicina promised me a cleansing like no other and while I have heard and witnessed accounts of people’s experiences with this indigenous herbal concoction, words do very little justice to the experience I was to undergo as I delved in to the green womb of the Earth mother in what I can only describe as a journey through life and death.

Cleansing the medicine on the fire

Juan the shaman started the ceremony with a presence ritual while cleansing the medicine on the fire. He chanted an indigenous mantra while shaking a brush made of leaves and rattles in worship of the mother in prayer.

Juan, the Shaman, blessing the space

The mother, I thought, the mother that will undergo a pain unbeknown in order to create life. A suffering and pain that perhaps, I realised, I had not considered before and this ritual triggered an insight and appreciation for all the women on this planet who give so much of themselves for their children.

The medicine spread through my veins,  as I stretched and started to feel my insides grumble as the potent liquid hit my stomach. I realised that perhaps it was time I lay horizontal as the sun slowly said its farewell to daytime in Colombia.

In that dark meditative moment, as I lay in nothingness I began watching the most incredible five dimensional colourful pattern form through the back of my eyelids. An evolving beauty so colourful and vibrant. A mesmerising inspiration flooded my consciousness in disbelief. I need to see nature. Nature. She called me and I followed her as I opened my eyes and walked gently like a toddler finding her feet walking in to a spot of grass nearby. I sat there, eyes wide and finally saw her. She moved, grew and formed beautiful shapes that were swaying and talking to me. I touched her and gave her love as the colorful patterns of life continued to form in the shadows. Creating a sacred space, I formed a protective dome around my being with an intention that what joined me was only for my highest good. I saw darker formations appear beyond the protective force field around my being like trapped spirits of the underworld looking for their home. I told them; forgive, surrender, let go like a voice inside my head telling myself the very same thing.

And then the bowels finally spoke up. They told me to find a hole in nature to which I had to do my own letting go. Most inconveniently. Nevertheless I stumbled through the shadows, nature guiding me, swaying in the direction I needed to go while pointing out brambles as I balanced barefooted along the pathway. In the darkness a fear cast over me, I breathed deeply as I hastily located the hole in the ground. I was stumbling back somewhat exhausted from my ‘release’, when a sudden wave of energy struck me and before I knew it, a sickness from the depths of my stomach seized me like a tube of toothpaste being squeezed suddenly as whatever weight within wanted to escape from a depths I hadn’t been to before. It purged out of me in a moment that gave me no time to think or breathe.

I crawled back to my spot of nature and lay in awe once more, more intensely, as the sickness and darkness were forgotten amidst a present moment that welcomed a new light. Tears fell as I saw symbols upon symbols floating in colourful lights in trans-dimensional beauty. ‘Be gentle’ said nature. ‘Be gentle’ she held me. And from that moment I was in love absolutely truly in love like a child seeing the wonder of the world through eyes that not only saw but felt it throughout her being.

Juan the shaman visited me from time to time to check I was ok and we shared musical notes, deep ommmmmms and spontaneious outbreaks of laughter as I rotated between lying in awe staring up at the cosmos, with sitting up in admiration at the beauty that surrounded me as nature continued to converse and play with me.

Enough came up for me. So much came up for me, so many epiphanies, releases, acceptances and realisations. I found answers to some of the big questions that had hung heavily around my heart for too long and I met a child within to whom I fell totally in love with. She giggled spontaneously and had no fear. Sometimes she was intense in her joy but I loved finding her in my heart and loved her in a way that I suppose now I see, a mother might love a child. 

Norberto in surrender after the cleanse

I practice yoga regularly and have had many of my internal ‘samskaras’ (sufferings) relieved through various therapies and retreats. While Ayahuasca came to my attention and curiosity over 3 years ago, I am glad that I allowed this time to pass before entering the green womb. The journey between then and now has been more enlightening than I could’ve imagined and I don’t know if I could’ve handled it all at once. I recommend one to take care and be true with oneself should the green womb call and not to rush that journey. It crossed my path when I was ready, in mind, body and soul.

I don’t wish to create expectations in the minds of others reading this as there is so much more than words can even begin to explain and each experience is unique to each individual. Nevertheless, if there was one message that Nature would wish me to share with anyone reading this, it would be this; love mother nature and stop fighting with life.

To that my inner yogini can finally say; I surrender Mother. You don't always make sense, but you are awesome and I can say I live without regrets.

Here is an old post on my first shamanic write up and I want to send thanks and appreciation to Rak Razam who I met in New York and who guided me back to the green womb of "awe".

Below is an extract from philosopher and researcher Terence McKenna (Food of the Gods: The Search for the Original Tree of Knowledge A Radical History of Plants, Drugs, and Human Evolution) 

The experience induced by ayahuasca includes extremely rich tapestries of visual hallucination that are particularly susceptible to being "driven" and directed by sound, especially vocally produced sound. Consequently, one of the legacies of the ayahuasca-using cultures is a large repository of icaros, or magical songs. The effectiveness, sophistication, and dedication of an ayahuasquero is predicated upon how many magical songs he or she has effectively memorized. In the actual curing sessions, both patient and healer ingest ayahuasca and the singing of the magical songs is a shared experience that is largely visual. 

The impact of long-term use of hallucinogenic indoles on mental and physical health is not yet well understood. My own experiences among the mestizo populations of Amazonas convince me that the long-term effect of ayahuasca use is an extraordinary state of health and integration. Ayahuasqueros use sound and suggestion to direct healing energy into parts of the body and unexamined aspects of an individual's personal history where psychic tension has come to rest. Often these methods exhibit startling parallels to the techniques of modem psychotherapy; at other times they seem to represent an understanding of possibilities and energies still unrecognized by Western theories of healing. Most interesting from the point of view of the arguments made in this book are the persistent rumors of states of group-mind or telepathy that occur among the less acculturated tribal peoples. 

Our history of skepticism and empiricism would have us dismiss such claims as impossible, but we should think twice before doing so. The chief lesson to be learned from the psychedelic experience is the degree to which unexamined cultural values and limitations of language have made us the unwitting prisoners of our own assumptions. For it cannot be without reason that wherever in the world hallucinogenic indoles have been utilized, their use has been equated with magical self-healing and regeneration. The low incidence of serious mental illness among such populations is well documented.

namaste india

India2012 from Zachary Reinert on Vimeo.

Ahhh blessed India. India she is such a wonderful mother. A country that taught me so much about life, love, surrender and truth. A country that filled my cup to the brim.  I feel a large part of me grew up in India and while, like many countries around the world she still has her downfalls; extremities of poverty and the influences that the Western consumerism movement impresses; she still has a devotional quality that permeates the soul beyond reason.

What is truly humbling about traveling in India is the incredibly conscious travel community that exudes a mutual respect between strangers no matter where they are from, how old they are, their background, their status nor their clothes and chosen path or way of being. The love between brothers and sisters who can hold hands in prayer and say 'namaste' to one another is so beautiful: "I honor the place in you where Spirit lives, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, then we are One."

This is so precious and can be lost in the world of the fast paced urbanised environments that western capitalist society seemingly encourages. I truly felt at home in the northern regions of India, the Himalayas, where the people are so beautifully shanti and kind. Words can't explain the experience of joy, peace and serenity that living amongst such magnificent giants can create. The Godliness of natural phenomena and the sound of waters charging down giant boulders in a place of constant change. One might feel the Earth between the toes while something magical is allowed when 'letting things be' even while the external world might challenge.

Floods of emotions hit me in India like tidal waves of karmic knots coming to be undone. A big wall I had built around my heart crumbled and even now I know, while in essence I am still the same old 'Brookesy' I always was (complete with flaws and funky dance moves); my sensititivities to the world around me, how I connect to people, to what I do for a living and what I see; is truly a new reality. I'm thankful for it despite struggling to fit back in the box at times.

This beautiful video created by Zachary Reinert captures some of the most magical moments to be had in that wonderfully divine place. I met Zachery's sister at a relaxing yoga retreat and farm in Buenos Aires and reconnected with her recently whilst in New York. I was buzzing in love as she shared this video with me. It features Mountain Cleaners NGO (now Waste Warriors) who I'd managed to persuade to come to Parvati Valley when the team launched recycling clean ups. It also features people I have connected with deeply on the road incidentally. Sometimes things just can't be explained but I hope the video illuminates a little of a world beyond form and brings some Indian magic to those yet to go.

Here are some photos taken from the recycling campaign we ran there. I've had some amazing jobs in my little lifetime although I must admit; I was never so genuinely in love with my work as I was picking up plastic bottles, making decorations and teaching children about recycling in the Northern regions of India. I don't know if I did it to cleanse my soul, to be the change I wanted to see in the world or to let go of someone I had been deeply in love with, but I do know that it was the most amazingly cathartic 'puja' (sanskrit for prayer) that I've ever performed in my life and I'm pretty happy to share that and hope anyone reading might take inspiration from it too.

its an endless mystery to itself

I must be a fool to append anything to this.

"I love. I let go. I don't try to force... Its the same thing as humility." - Alan Watts

This is a tad sentimental but in essence just a reflection. I went in search of something at the beginning of my travels. I remember saying "I want to let go" yet had no idea what it was I was letting go of. Its all very strange and funny in hindsight. Kind of like an awkwardly cast dark comedy with wonderful adventures, interesting characters and kind friends. The world is an amazing place to explore on a budget with an appetite for inspiration - there is so much we can learn from one another.

But like any scuba diver would know, the deeper you go, the darker it gets and if you come up too fast you might get the bends. Being a wonderer requires an open mind to grasp some of the most mind bending and eye opening ideas and cultures soberly (from oceans to mountains, quantum to philosophy) and learn from them. I would conclude that at some point, after being well indulged, a surrender to appreciate that certain things will always remain unknown creates a more pleasant snorkelling experience where the waters warmer and the fishes have more colour yet the journey of getting there is worthwhile and I'm sure wondering off again is too.

Facing the unknown is a scary yet a wonderfully rewarding journey. It rekindles a thirst for life that encourages people to have the courage to ride unicorns while doing headstands or something of the sort and then writing about it supporting people going through some of the painful parts... because there's always something beautiful about life poetically speaking. Even the bitter sweet goodbyes.

 “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” - C.G. Jung

I've mentioned before how the word 'passion' comes from the latin word meaning 'to suffer'.  There's something beautiful about heartbreak. Its everywhere. Its global. I've not been able to escape it. When you see some of the crazy things in this world or experience it firsthand, one shares in that suffering but perhaps the saving grace is the passion it also inspires to create and find the power to do something about it.